it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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