May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
