is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
