You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
