I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
