I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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