I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
