I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
