there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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