I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize