Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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