happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
