She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
