i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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