this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
