it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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