You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
