I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
