i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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