When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
