how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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