I want to make a zoo with you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
