Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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