yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
