shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
