I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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