Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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