Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
