it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think my moral compass just broke
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