i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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