Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
