Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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