ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
