one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
