Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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