Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
