I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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