Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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