Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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