omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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