i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
