why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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