So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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