at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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