I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
