JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
