Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
