I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
