well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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