its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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