i already hear my dad disowning me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
