So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
