when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
