Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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