This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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