We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
