you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
