Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.

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(614): View more from Ohio

If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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(860): View more from Connecticut

There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.

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(905): View more from Ontario

He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night

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(573): View more from Missouri

They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.

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(765): View more from Indiana

She has a lazy eye!

(317): View more from Indiana

My other option is a hardwood floor

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(317): View more from Indiana

He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.

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(407): View more from Florida

Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.

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