Quick, to the slutcave!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
