My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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