I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
