hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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