I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
