he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
