cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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